Registration for The Rat Race

I've been able to reflect on a conversation with some family friends as I sit here, baggy-eyed, in front of my computer finishing up a should-be-publishable paper and finalizing a list of Ph.D. and other graduate programs to apply to this fall. My friend innocently asked, as she imagined her two-year-old son as a future American high schooler:

High school in the United States isn't as bad as they portray it to be in the movies, is it? I mean, with the way they treat nerdy kids (already she assumes her son will be a nerdy Asian kid)? I want him to excel in school but I worry about how he'll be treated, etc.

I was surprised by my response:

Actually, I think it's worse; because being 'cool' not only means being the varsity jock but also being the straight 'A' student, social butterfly, and champion of community service. Basically, the creme de la creme of American high schoolers should be the best at everything.

Whoa.

And so, I unwittingly sign myself up for The Rat Race. I mean, did my childhood experiences really lead me to believe that this is true? Well, obviously it did but to this day, it's hard to wrap my brain around this unrelenting sense of elitism that I find harder to shake than an addiction to crack (despite never actually having done crack - i swear).

So far, I'm proud to describe my life as being nothing short of audacious. I have learned how to love and live life to its fullest while overcoming the challenges that I can only describe as my remedial emotional intellect. But I am still coming to terms with keeping my sense of unfulfilled ambition in check. Because, yes, at times I have the tendency to be the best at everything for all the wrong reasons, whether by my own standards or by those set by the U.S. News Rankings and other bogus institutions that I allow at times to rule my life.

It is also ironic that despite my strong sense of social justice, I have already concluded that my comparative advantage with the struggle is on the research end. Indeed, my desire for a life in academe and disdain for any 9-5 job where I must answer to another human being other than myself pretty much secures my place as a certain classification of MISANTHROPE.

And so it is that I have a newfound romance with Running. Because in our solitude we are developing a trust - a trust that I will take care of my body so that Running will be happy. If I don't, Running will call me out and keep me in check. And when we're together, Running will make me feel better when I'm sad. And when I'm pensive, Running will help me hash out my thoughts and remind me, with our existential excursions, that a balance with mind, body, and spirit is necessary to my being a good mother, person and advocate of the change I want to see in this world.

More to the point, my relationship with Running is absent of the bullshit that I allow to get in the way of my honestly, living my life. Because with Running, I understand that I'm the only one who can hurt me. With Running, the progress is real and so is the pain.

So today, I'd like to withhold my registration to The Rat Race and bask in the glory of another great excursion with Running. Lots of room for improvement (my splits are all over the place) but great nonetheless:

8.69 miles | 1:18:51 time | 9:04 avg pace
1- 8:31
2- 8:41
3- 9:04
4- 9:08
5- 9:20
6- 8:50
7- 9:17
8- 9:31

Cheers to not selling out, people!

Run the Planet, Save the World

My head feels like it's about to explode. This one blog post will singlehandedly denounce any semblance of my being a laid back person; consider this your warning.

A good chunk of my marathon training this summer will be taking place in the Philippines (and for a while in Taiwan), at least I hope. The daughter of immigrants, I used to return home every summer until high school, after which visits became sporadic. I have not been back since 1999.

Among thoughts of being thrilled to see my aging grandmother as well as the excitement of introducing Anna to family, is the pending dread of seeing my nativecountry in shambles. A circumstance that I am sure, will likely challenge my desire to run.

My social consciousness developed relatively recently and was largely inspired by the book, America is in the Heart. I consider it The Grapes of Wrath for people-of-color and found that after years of reading fiction, this was the first book that moved me to tears, that I related to, and that became the precursor to understanding my place in this world. In short, it is the story of the Filipino American and the struggles of many immigrant groups in this country. It is the story of the Americanization of the Filipino, an Americanization that that begins generations before the first Filipino immigrant set foot in this country. It is the story of America's imperialism and its silent past. It is the story that I was never told as the only Asian American in my Midwestern public education system and it is the story that now empowers and inspires my sense of social justice.

I have seen previews, however, of the dread over what I will see when I return home. Run the planet 'featured' the Philippines as a running location and of course, the commentary was provided by a European expatriate and business man now living in Manila.

When asked if running is an acceptable activity in his country, Pierre says, "In France we have a lot, but in the Philippines we are very very few. Mainly because of very hot weather and pollution in Manila". Pierre also mentions that a visiting runner should be warned about the heat, humidity, and pollution before running in the Philippines. He also notes that there are a lot of dogs to look out for while you run there.

That's right, Pierre. I'll bet that it's tough to run in Manila. What Pierre alludes to in his comments, is the state with which the Philippines' colonizers--Spain and the United States--left the country. This long socio-economic commentary and history of these circumstances are beyond the scope of this blog but are disconcerting nonetheless as a Filipino American living comfortably in the United States and as one who has greatly benefited (albeit with much critical analysis) from the promises of the American way of life.

The Filipino way of life was disrupted since the sixteenth century after which time Spain became our first colonizers. Land that rightfully belonged to the Filipinos was taken from them and divided up among the Spanish elite who then taxed those who tilled 'their' soil. This was the beginning of the social and economic crisis that took Filipinos off their land and way of life, and into poverty. A fate that was to continue under American colonization after the Philippine-American War. The United States used the powerful conquering tool of education, however, and established a western education system in the Philippines whose legacy continues today as classrooms are still taught in English (see Constantino's A Past Revisited or The Miseducation of the Filipino).

Now, the Philippines' economy is largely sustained by remittances of those among the Filipino diaspora (see Dean Yang's work on this subject). Should Filipino immigrants around the world discontinue sending money home to the Philippines, it is likely that the economy would collapse. A circumstance that is fiercely avoided by the current and corrupt administration of Arroyo who consistently seeks to mitigate this possibility by appealing to both the United States in her support of the War on Terror and constant appeal to Filipino Americans.

The reality is that 90% of Filipinos live in poverty. A fact that was displayed in an unforgiving and in-your-face Filipino American film, Cavite. While many reviews and descriptions of the film describe it as being a story of the Philippines' cultural wars post 9/11, I consider it a successful attempt at a call to action for all the conscionable Filipinos living abroad. Naked children running through the streets of Manila, headed home to their squatter camps, only to be greeted by swamps of trash, human excrement and the like is more than I can bear.

So as I sit here and worry about the obstacles being in the Philippines will bring to my running schedule and training, I also think about my future and how important it will be that I bring hope back to the Filipino in the Philippines and abroad. Our native land is not destined for corrupt government, pollution, western imperialism and poverty. And as long we continue to enable the current government with our remittances to family left in the Philippines, I send my support to the other political entrepreneurs out there who will be part of the next waves of social change.

Every person and child deserves to be able to run the streets without fear of pollution hazards as I so gratefully have the opportunity to do so here in the United States.

See what happens when I think about running?

*******
Workout Summary:

1 mile WARM @ 10:30
10 min @ 8:50
1 mile COOL @ 10:30

I cut my scheduled 5 mile tempo to a 3 mile tempo today. Despite purchasing a new pair of Saucony Omni 6's on Tuesday. The 'pad' or 'ball' of my left foot is still bothering me and actually not getting much better. Hopefully, the next two days of rest before the Dexter Ann Arbor 10K will help me out. Meanwhile, according to coolrunning.com, I'm going to look into buying some metatarsal pads at CVS.

My Birthday Obessesion

Despite my excitement for the upcoming race and fulfillment with my training and progress, I can't shake the recent disappointment of discovering that Chicago registration is closed. No big deal though, right? Run another fall marathon and get on that registration! Wrong. October 7th is my birthday and this year, I have it in my head that I'm going to run a marathon on that day. It's not a milestone birthday by any stretch, just another 20-something, but I feel that I have a lot to prove to myself this year. And my sense of unfulfilled ambition is growing stronger by the minute, much of which fuels my training.

As I sit in front my computer and look around my apartment, filled with books and photographs of loved ones, I realize that I have much to be grateful for. And as a little voice in my head tries to remind me everyday, never take what you have for granted because the moment you do (for those of you who are spiritual), they'll slowly be taken away from you.

That said, I have a healthy, happy, beautiful two-year-old daughter who inspires me everyday to be a better person. I have a loving and supportive community of people in my life who always help out in whatever capacity, our non-traditional family. I have a local community that I am involved with and feel that I have a vested interest in advancing the opportunities and skills of the next generation. I have a great job as a research associate and am basically paid to do exactly what I one day hope to do on my own. I am enrolled in a world-class University that inspires my sense of social justice everyday as well as my unquenchable search for knowledge--any other life for me just seems too boring. And finally, I have my health.

I always want to improve my relationships with my family and friends, however, and sometimes worry myself over some of the imperfections, forgetting so much of the good. I often feel that I don't give enough time to the community center that I am involved with and sometimes agonize over the next workshop or historical event in Asian American history with which to discuss with them. I overwhelm myself with school, never happy enough with the current paper and always thinking of the next. Worse, I let my journey to graduate programs, in hopes of one day entering the academy, often minimize all the work I have accomplished thus far as an undergrad. And my health? Well, it seems that I'm never fit or fast enough by my own standards.

I'm sure that all ambitious individuals have a similar sense of self-criticism, but I know that for myself, it will always be a constant battle to keep myself in check and to constantly exercise gratitude for all that I have in my life. Really, I know I should be so lucky.

A birthday marathon, however, is symbolic for me right now. Mainly because everything I have accomplished in my life has been a slow, diligent mileage build-up to get Anna and myself in a comfortable and fulfilling place in our lives. So, I'd really like to run this race for Anna as well--so that she can understand how important the day to day in life can be, the way training runs are so significant, yet fulfilling to the runner. And while I'm young and long from 'peaking', I want to honor my health and hopefully inspire others to do the same. Certainly, the benefits of diligent training inspire other aspects of one's life and I am no exception.

And speaking of training, I'm about to head out for my 6-mile tempo run. On the dreadmill. With my cheesey iPod playlists. Because it's stormy outside and cold (despite the record high of 85 degrees just yesterday). And I'm going to enjoy it (though I expect some pain). Because the Ann Arbor Dexter Run is exactly one week away, and I've been excited about running this esteemed and festive race all spring.

And while I'm at it, I'm going to keep on obsessing over my birthday marathon because I'm SURE that there's another October 7 marathon out there with my name on it.

***************
1:33 p.m.

For the past couple of runs I've noticed that the front portion of my knee is always stiff. The mild pain always subsides within the first mile but today, I noted to myself to make sure that I ice my knee once I'm finished. On top of that, it became very clear that I need to get a new pair of running shoes as well. The 'palm' of my left foot has been consistently sore due to wear on the soles of my shoe, I'm sure.

Workout Summary:
1 mile Warm-up @ 10:30
5 mins @ 9:30 Tempo
3 mins @ 11:00 Recovery
Repeat three times
2 mile Cool Down @ 10:30

Weight: 116 lbs

How I Got Here

It's likely that I would decide to run a fall marathon and forget that this would mean training in the HEAT and HUMIDITY of summer. This fact couldn't become any clearer today when I strutted out of the office at lunch time for my weekly long run in The Arb (see pic) and found that it was 85 degrees! I was prepared though having downed three lemon flavored (my favorite) Propels the hour before my planned run -- bring on the heat!

Crap. It's hot. Don't bring on the heat, please. But MY GOD! I'M FILIPINO! ISN'T IT IN MY BLOOD TO BE TOLERANT OF HEAT?! Bring on the cool breeze only to be found in early morning runs. It wasn't the most graceful of all runs but I completed my 8-miler without succumbing to a heat stroke. I read once that when training in the summer, one ought to slowly acclimate oneself to the heat...Of course. That just sounds too sensible.

I need to admit that as a former soccer-playing-jock, I despised running. I was mystified by the mental game of the cross country runners and often thought of them as masochists to some significant degree. Despite running around 6 miles in a ninety minute soccer game as a midfielder, I rarely ran more than three miles on my own and when I did, I certainly didn't look forward to it. Looking back, I realize how different my mental toughness was in my adolescence. The team dynamic largely carried my inspiration on the field - this and the fact that I loved to play.

My how things have changed.

Beyond high school and college I discovered that staying fit can be a bit trickier; training solo can be depressing. But one day, I woke up feeling overwhelmed as a new parent, juggling a new town, adjusting to a whole new University. Worse, I was struggling with losing the last few pounds I gained from my pregnancy and for the first time in my life, I was bummed by the way I looked. Fed up, I went out for a run one day and it felt great; SO great in fact that I continued to run for months! With big plans of marathons and sub-4:00 miles (not really) -- Of course we know what this means: I over-trained and got ahead of myself! THEN more big life changes came my way and I fell out of step. But this time, I knew exactly what I needed to do to find my balance again: running and more generally, staying active.

So, here I am with a solid three months of 15-20 miles per week, an awesome bike to get me from home to campus (on most days) and to get me around some of the great bike routes around the area and a two-year-old that I can actually keep up with (again, on most days). Now that I can be proud of some consistency, I need to step up the level of my training. Now. Now that it's really hot out. Now that I have one of many races planned coming up this weekend. Now that I have a 10K and a half-marathon to look forward to on my road to the big bad Chicago Marathon (on my birthday) or Detroit (because it's close by).